Author Archives: Sandi LoConti

p.s to Toto, Lina and the Boxer

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The girls now have yellow ribbons on their leashes.  Although the number of times they crank up gets fewer and fewer I want to keep them safe.  It’s a small gesture for two very good little girls who will eventually outgrow their fears and relax.  For those of you who know and love the girls you know they are trying hard everyday to live up to their potential.  In the scheme of where they started to where they are now, I can only hope to accomplish such strides in my own life.

Pass this along so that we can all relax.  Thanks to Shawn Stewart (www.dogsareeasy.com) and The German Shepard Dog Community (http://www.facebook.com/TheGSDC?ref=stream) for starting it on its rounds.

 

Toto, Lina and the Boxer

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Sunday mornings always seem to hold something special for me.  Today we got out on our walk only to meet up with the Boxer.  It’s not unusual, we always seem to meet up with the Boxer but it hasn’t always been pleasant.

By now you should all know that Lina and Toto are my two rescue dogs originally from Little Rock Arkansas.  We had a rough start but thanks to our dear Uncle Shawn (www.dogsareeasy.com) we have a pretty nice life.  Except for a few minor, occasional, OK maybe more than occasional, run-ins with another dog we’re pretty well adjusted.  Don’t get me wrong it’s mostly a lot of noise but we seldom get close enough to find out what really might happen…Until now.

We see the Boxer and her owner almost every morning.  If I say good morning, in that singing kind of way that annoys the entire world, we usually don’t even hear a peep out of my girls and all is well.  Shawn made it perfectly clear that every time I say “Oh shit” in my head it goes right down the leash and everybody’s on alert. It’s true, I know it’s me.

So sometime last week we gave it a try.  I put the girls behind me and said hello to the Boxer.  She is a sweet thing and pretty skittish too having been bitten by a few dogs herself.  Ok, who’s tail is wagging the hardest, of course Toto.  She is the more social of my two, the more trusting, the least afraid.  Lina’s just hangin behind Mama doing the big shake.  Ok honey you stay there.  So Toto says hello to the Boxer’s owner.  At this point I still don’t know anyone’s name.  She does her best aren’t-I-the-cutest-thing-you’ve-ever-seen and all is good.  Now for the Boxer introduction; I let the leash slack just a bit and they were nose to nose tails wagging furiously and Lina stayed right behind me doing the big shake.  I move to the side and Lina tries to lunge.  No chance of that happening, I have some of the strongest arms and shoulders you will ever meet.  I can’t thank the Boxer and her owner enough for their patience and for being kind enough to try.

The days pass, there are no further meet ups but there are also no further incidents from opposite sides of the street.  I’m calling this a true win.  I’m thrilled.  Then several days later we’re coming down the street and out of the side street come the Boxer and her owner and another person with a Pit puppy.  Now you know I said “Oh shit” in my head but the funniest thing happened.  Toto, Lina and the Boxer did the lunge.  Oh no, we’ve corrupted the Boxer.  The Pit gets dragged around the corner (I remember full well what that is like) and calm comes over the block.

Now it’s Sunday morning and we’re on our way to do the loop.  Here come the Boxer and her owner towards us.  Ok this is new (I did not say Oh shit in my head, I know you were thinking it) so let’s see how we do.  We both come to a stop with our dogs behind us.  Toto does the first peek around (I know you’re shocked by that) and goes right up to the Boxer’s owner, tail wagging, sitting waiting to be petted.  Lina is still behind me doing the big shake.  The Boxer makes her way around her owner and here we are again, nose to nose and my Toto starts crying she’s so damn happy.  It’s what she does, just a bit embarrassing but ok it’s better than the lunge.  Lina, she’s still behind me doing the big shake.  Now we’re actually having a conversation right on the corner of Stowe Lane, I can’t contain myself I’m so damn happy.  Let’s try bringing Lina into the mix, Toto is calm and playing, she takes her cues from Toto so what’s the worst that can happen.  She wants to lunge, put her in sit.  Talk some more, try it again, she tries to lunge.  Her tail is wagging a million miles an hour but all I can hear in my head this time is Shawn telling me not to be fooled.  She may be wagging her tail but she might just be happy because she wants to bite someone.  I never mess with Shawn’s words of wisdom so back in sit, behind me she goes.  Thankfully she’s no longer doing the big shake, I’m calling that progress. We talk a bit more and Steve (finally introduced ourselves) is a really patient guy and I am so grateful that he’s willing to help me get these girls over their last hump.  He assures me that they will be fine and before he goes on his way I ask him what his Boxer’s name his.

Her name is Karma.  Of course it is.

 

Side by Side

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I had an interesting interaction with two of my male friends today that left me wondering…one was having a day and didn’t want to interact in the normal way these two had established in their relationship.  The other didn’t seem to care and bordered on disrespectful by saying now I have to go at you even more.  What is that?

So I decided to ask the one who was having none of it why he acted that way, why did he seem to me to be disrespectful to his/our friend.  I got the standard, that’s how men are routine.  Really?  So now I’m curious, what does male friendship look like?  Not from my point of view because as soon as a female enters the mix another side of men seems to emerge. More on that later.

In all I’ve read, and that’s not all that much, the difference between male friendships and female friendships can be boiled down, according to a post by Brett and Kate McKay of The Art of Manliness.com, and pictured as two women facing one another, while male friendships can be symbolized as two men standing side by side, looking outwards.  The irony of that is the two men were seated side by side when this all unfolded.

It can’t possibly be news to men that the deeper your social connections, the longer and happier you live.  Intimate social ties reduce the risk of disease by lowering blood pressure, heart rate and cholesterol.  People who have the strongest friendship ties over a nine year period cut their risk of death by more than 60% according to one study noted by Deborah Tropp on Askmen.com.  The irony of a women posting on Askmen.com is not lost on me.

So what is male friendship?  How did it evolve to the name calling, activity oriented, and no-feeling lack of intimacy thing it’s become?  To hear the McKays describe it from heroic (noble and intense and intellectual) to 19th century deep feeling daily interaction filled with sentiment in the style of Theodore Roosevelt perhaps. Then the 20th century transformation to fear of being called gay with sentimentality appearing incompatible with manhood, increased mobility resulting from industrialization and relationship shifts toward shared pursuits and no male role models except those from the military where men (to this day) understand the bond needed to keep one another alive.  It screams buddy system.

So can men have meaningful friendships?  Many believe that they can, I believe they can because I’ve spoken with many men who seem to me to be quite deep and feeling and capable of intimacy.  The key there is they are talking to me and men usually feel comfortable showing that side of themselves to women.  After all, it’s one of our greatest attributes.  We know how to outwardly do friendship.

So what does a man to man friendship look like?  In all their name calling (hey jackass, apparently a form of endearment) they know how to show up.  They don’t show up ready to listen necessarily although it’s been known to happen, they show up ready to support one another in sport, they understand loyalty, they are straight forward and can assist their friends in moving on, they are non-judgmental.  I’m not sure women understand these things but do they have to?  Our friendships work for us, theirs work for them.  When they need something else from friendship, like say expressing emotion, they will turn to their wives (if they have them), girlfriends (if they are past the stage of having to prove themselves) or women like me who are just there to listen with an open heart to their friends who need to say it out loud.  I know like I know that men have a thing or two to learn from women but I also know they’ve got each other’s back when it comes right down to it.

 

 

Politics

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Tis the season to elect our next president.  From Wickipedia:  Modern political discourse focuses on democracy and the relationship between people and politics. It is thought of as the way we “choose government officials and make decisions about public policy”.

The sound of that is glorious.  I love all that it entails, the process of learning where each candidate stands, has anything in either party changed?  Should I rethink my stand on certain key items that are important to me?  Do I know enough to make an informed decision for me and my family and country?  Because, yes, I have a say in the way my country works, amazing.

For me the process of voting is highly emotional.  Nothing brings tears to my eyes more than the sound of the curtain closing behind me in the voting booth. The power that is mine at that very moment overwhelms me. There is such a sense of community at my polling location, people coming in with their coffee cups, greeting one another and wishing everyone well as they wait to take their turn in the booth regardless of party affiliation or beliefs.

All these things are intensely personal and I wish to keep it that way. The older I get the more I adopt my father’s philosophy, I don’t enjoy talking politics.  I believe that ruins friendships and work relationships so I tend to “agree to disagree” when backed into a conversation on politics that I find belittling, threatening or overpowering.

One of the strongest philosophies I believe is that we are probably more alike than we are different but I honestly don’t wish to confirm this, I choose simply to believe it. I must say I wonder about things like, if you are a conservative Republican and a member of your family is gay, what do you do?  I don’t want to know, I simply wonder. There are many nuances to the fabric of our country that could play out this way, that give me pause, especially as a woman especially as a person who believes strongly in the separation of church and state. I worry for our country in that we don’t seem to be looking for our similarities but only at our differences.

I am uneasy about the national debt, I am concerned about the economy, and I fear that our politicians no longer look upon their jobs as one of service to the people of this country and that they have become, one and all, power hungry to their own end.

I’ve been called liberal. It’s a broad term that not many people understand based ironically on the ideas of liberty and equality.  Again the woman thing…and probably because I believe in people helping people and the government championing that.  I have a colleague that thinks that liberal equals un-American and said as much.  I was not forwarded a donation request for a very worthy cause for the Wounded Warriors because he felt I was too liberal.  I have never been so hurt, tears in my eyes hurt, ever before. Instilled by my father, I am a believer that if your country asks you to go to war we must all stand behind you regardless of our belief in the cause that put you there.  I believe in people period.

I will continue to agree to disagree and make it known that that’s where I stand, firmly planting in the pact that we should not discuss our philosophies. I must say that I fear people will try and impose themselves and their philosophies on me as happened just recently.  I had this very agreement with a colleague for quite some time and something made him send me a politically charged email that was untrue.  Had it been based in truth I might have responded differently but the fact is he broke the pact we had in the interest of stirring the pot.  This is not the true essence of our country, we can each believe what we believe and allow the other to do the same.   We can also endeavor to find out, through listening to each other, where we share our certain views and respect each other where we don’t.

I love my country and I stand behind my President.  Regardless of their party because my fellow Americans said it should be so.  I know like I know that we are more similar than we are different and if only we could exhale and remember that, in our country, we have the amazing gift of freedom allowing us to have a conversation that might bring us closer rather than further apart. Bottom line, don’t forget to vote your beliefs as you see fit, it is your right and your privilege. On this we can agree.

The Devine Miss “Ev”

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Written Aug 27, 2012 11:48am

Sunday, August 26th, was a very special day in the life of Evelyn Grace Fretz.  She was baptized, bathed in the love of God and family.  As very aptly put by the Pastor, “Baptism is an outward symbol of the inward grace of God”.  I was most happy to get the phone call several weeks ago from Jared, stating that they were pinning down a date for Evi’s baptism. I remember thinking how joyful Jay must be to have this dialogue taking place.

Christian, Audrey (my sister) and I made the trek to Pittsburgh for this wonderful occassion.  It had been about 1 1/2 months since I’ve seen/held Evi and I was excited to be with her, Jared and Kelly!  I was totally prepared to give Evi any necessary time to get accustomed to me because at 4+ months, she may be getting particular about who gets to hold her.  Much to my wonderment, she immediately came into my outstretched arms and nestled in like we hadn’t missed a beat.  She is such a love, she is definitely LOVE!!!  I “got” to sway with her, feed her, ease her into a nap and tuck her in for the night.  It did my heart so much good to be needed, to feel as though I had a purpose.  (Blog on that to follow!)

Evi is a twin to Jared’s baby pictures.  And Jared’s resemblance of Jay is uncanny. Genes certainly are a peculiar thing!  She is in the 99% in height and 60% in weight.  Her legs and arms seem to go on forever.  Evi has the most lovely hands with long, slender fingers that along with my long, slender fingers,  she and I intertwined and explored for several minutes during the service.  Perhaps the racy red nail polish held her interest but it was a beautiful thing.  It was the best hand holding I’ve had in a log time.  I wish I had a picture of that as I love hands. (Yet another blog in the future!)  So, I’m thinking, who needs toys!

Before the service began, I held Evi and in the midst of God’s house, I suddenly became overcome with emotion. (I’m sure that’s not a surprising fact!)  I knew that Jay was with us but I wanted a sign.  I wanted to feel his spirit wrapped around me and Evi like I have felt his warmth cross my shoulders in the past.  But, unfortunately, I don’t get to demand signs from the heavens.  It just doesn’t work that way.  I just have to be receptive and grateful for when they come.  Jared picked up on my need for a hug and we embraced with unspoken understanding.

Little Miss Evi was a perfect angel.  The Pastor took her in his arms and as he baptized her with water she did not make a peep.  She wore a beautiful white dress embellished with tulle ruffles throughout the skirt compliments of Tia Maya & Uncle Christian.  Not many of us remember their baptism, however, Jay did.  As an infant he was dedicated at an Assembly of God church but at the age of 23 he was baptized with Christian.

Personality wise, Evi is delightful and very happy.  She smiles a lot and is quite content.  She exudes charm even at such an early age and her face is very expressive.  Evi likes to grab at things like jewelry, clothes and sometimes hair.

Jared and Kelly are terrific parents, sharing equally in those duties. I am so proud of them and elated for the life and love they possess!  Life is good for them.

I can’t wait to see them again in about a month!!!  Here’s to the little things that make life special!

Love, Wanda