{"id":2422,"date":"2015-05-31T19:12:43","date_gmt":"2015-05-31T23:12:43","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.ordinarylegacy.com\/word\/?p=2422"},"modified":"2015-05-31T19:12:43","modified_gmt":"2015-05-31T23:12:43","slug":"what-to-say","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ordinarylegacy.com\/word\/2015\/05\/31\/what-to-say\/","title":{"rendered":"What to say?"},"content":{"rendered":"

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Anne Lamott, my favorite spiritual rantist, let loose on her Facebook page today about what people should say in certain situations.\u00a0 It is brilliant and you should read it<\/u><\/a> if you haven\u2019t already.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve been in several situations this week that relate.\u00a0 My own was on Memorial Day which is notoriously a somber nostalgic day for me.\u00a0 Add to that everyone plucked my last nerve, because do you still not know the difference between Memorial Day and Veterans Day.\u00a0 Nothing was moving fast enough for me, I was due for a pity party extraordinaire, and the day just wouldn\u2019t end fast enough.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t even a full moon.\u00a0 Enter my best friend Sandra, who has an uncanny ability to just pick up the phone for no reason and get bombarded with my shit.\u00a0 To which, she listens and nods (even though I can’ see it) and then says a few words of brilliance at the end of my rant that puts a bow of validation on it and tells me to pour and inch and take the rest of the day off.\u00a0 I barely even remember what those words were but they worked just like they always do.\u00a0 The funny part is she doesn\u2019t really trust that so she keeps me on a kind of \u201cwatch\u201d through the next day\u2026just in case.<\/p>\n

Then another dear friend learned of her mother\u2019s stroke, which left her devastated and helpless being so far from her mother.\u00a0 There are things as adults of a certain age that we know are inevitable yet we are struck by them none the less.\u00a0 We had an entire discussion by text\u2026how the hell do you comfort someone and read their emotions by text.\u00a0 It\u2019s possible if you know them very very well, if you know what their underlying pain is, the pain they only show certain people they trust.\u00a0 It can be done if you create a vigil of keeping in touch and checking in.\u00a0 It can be done if you mirror what they are saying and just let them know you\u2019re there for them, which is infinitely easier by text.\u00a0 This is a day by day, minute by minute situation uniquely suited to the instant messaging phenomenon.<\/p>\n

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There is a relatively new practice where people create a Journey page for someone who is ill.\u00a0 It becomes a place where progress can be shared and prayers can be exchanged and all manner of positive discussion can take place.\u00a0 There is a huge initial outpouring from friends, family, coworkers and acquaintances, note the word initial.\u00a0 There are the best of intentions from each of the participants but somehow people drop off, especially if the progress isn\u2019t good. It becomes uncomfortable and people can\u2019t seem to find the words.\u00a0 This makes me at once sad and pissed.\u00a0 I get it, you don\u2019t know what to say but it\u2019s a commitment people sometimes don\u2019t realize.\u00a0 Someone has to keep that commitment, yeah I know.\u00a0 Perhaps post, haven\u2019t heard in a while, how\u2019s everything?\u00a0 Just thinking of you.\u00a0 How\u2019s the family?\u00a0 Anything you need?\u00a0 Be the person who starts the conversation again, even if it\u2019s uncomfortable, say something.\u00a0 They will appreciate it more than wondering where everyone went.<\/p>\n

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There are times when it\u2019s better to react with no reaction like me wanting to tattle on the guy that\u2019s taking up valuable parking real estate with his third car (which he\u2019s not supposed to have) only to find out it might be because it would be easier for his near death dog to get into from that parking space.\u00a0 My constant nagging myself about checking my motivation proved invaluable in this situation because I kept asking myself why does this bother you so much.\u00a0 What makes you so righteous\u2026amen, keep checking that motivation.\u00a0 My sister is having a similar conversation with herself about a friend of hers and I\u2019m pretty sure she\u2019s coming to the same conclusion; some things are just not yours to speak to\u2026<\/p>\n

In the end I think I gave some solid advice to someone just going into divorce mediation this week.\u00a0 I suggested she make a list of what she wanted posed in the most positive light possible starting with the things that would be easiest to say and for the other to hear.\u00a0 The list is important in these instances if one tends to get flustered and God knows you can live much easier with yourself if you\u2019ve taken the high road.<\/p>\n

\u201clisten before you speak and if you speak with truth and compassion for yourself and himself it will be exactly as it should be\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

Do with that what you will.<\/p>\n

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Anne Lamott, my favorite spiritual rantist, let loose on her Facebook page today about what people should say in certain situations.\u00a0 It is brilliant and you should read it if you haven\u2019t already. I\u2019ve been in several situations this week … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[466,6],"tags":[548,612,611,610],"class_list":["post-2422","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-its-a-legacy-thing","category-pause-points","tag-legacyinthemaking","tag-or-not","tag-say-something","tag-what-to-say"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p27hQ5-D4","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ordinarylegacy.com\/word\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2422","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ordinarylegacy.com\/word\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ordinarylegacy.com\/word\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ordinarylegacy.com\/word\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ordinarylegacy.com\/word\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2422"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.ordinarylegacy.com\/word\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2422\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2424,"href":"https:\/\/www.ordinarylegacy.com\/word\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2422\/revisions\/2424"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ordinarylegacy.com\/word\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2422"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ordinarylegacy.com\/word\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2422"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ordinarylegacy.com\/word\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2422"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}