{"id":2163,"date":"2014-12-07T17:39:41","date_gmt":"2014-12-07T22:39:41","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.ordinarylegacy.com\/word\/?p=2163"},"modified":"2014-12-07T17:39:41","modified_gmt":"2014-12-07T22:39:41","slug":"on-the-vergepart-one","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ordinarylegacy.com\/word\/2014\/12\/07\/on-the-vergepart-one\/","title":{"rendered":"On the Verge\u2026Part One"},"content":{"rendered":"

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Since I\u2019ve rearranged the furniture in my office\u00a0I\u2019ve become that woman.\u00a0 I could run for mayor of Stowe Lane if ever the current mayor resigns, thankfully that is very unlikely.\u00a0 But Friday it was a good thing because my friend Henry, the neighborhood curmudgeon, came home from the hospital.\u00a0 He was scheduled for back surgery because he\u2019s been in so much pain but an infection in his foot postponed it.\u00a0 I\u2019ve been watching his decline for a few weeks, maybe months, and I cringe each time he gets in his car.<\/p>\n

Every time an older person gets an infection I hold my breath, sepsis sneaks up on our seniors and they can\u2019t fight back.\u00a0 Of course my mind goes directly to I wonder if he got this infection for a reason, the reason remains to be seen and there is a much greater power than me in control so I let it go.\u00a0 Doesn\u2019t stop the situation from being so reminiscent of life with Thomas a decade ago.\u00a0 To this day I can\u2019t help thinking a decision I made effected his outcome even though I\u2019ve learned I don\u2019t have that kind of power.<\/p>\n

Henry didn\u2019t want the ambulance to bring him home, there is this stubborn sense of pride that goes with nearly every one of these gentlemen of a certain age, and I\u2019m guessing he is WW2 veteran vintage.\u00a0 So somehow his wife got him parked near the sidewalk and went in to get his walker while he was supposed to sit still. He began inching his way out of the car. \u00a0I don\u2019t have to tell you what happened, I don\u2019t have to tell you how fast I ran, I don\u2019t have to tell you that it was nearly the death of us both getting him up the sidewalk, two small flights of stairs and across a beautifully carpeted living room (in slippers) and hallway to the bathroom.<\/p>\n

I am not the same person I was when I did this for Thomas, even though I remember how and use the correct positioning, my body is a decade older and I am not nearly as strong as I once was.\u00a0 I could feel it in my hip and my knees and my back practically carrying a 170 lb. man.\u00a0 I prayed very hard for the strength to hold on to him and me\u2026apparently Thomas was watching over us both because we made it. Henry and his wife were both grateful despite the \u201caccident\u201d that had to be taken care of in the bathroom and then the walk to Henry\u2019s favorite chair.\u00a0 Barbara asked for my number which I readily gave her but secretly hoped she wouldn\u2019t have to use.<\/p>\n

Back at my desk with the girls laying around me I\u2019m going through emails and trying not to unleash a damn good and well deserved rant on a darling manager who has no idea that while he is playing big man on campus and acting like an immature smartass that there is a family on Stowe Lane trying to figure out how they are going to get through the afternoon.\u00a0 The profound dichotomy of priorities was astounding to me.<\/p>\n

Of all the things I\u2019ve learned this afternoon not the least of which is that I can\u2019t keep either one of these men in my head or I will jump into fix mode and I am incapable of fixing certain things.\u00a0 My hunch, no I know like I know that the outcome for both of them may not be good whether I\u2019m in it or not.<\/p>\n

And so for Mr. GM \u201cit\u2019s just cars\u201d and the faster he grows to understand that one fact the faster his potential as a human being will grow.\u00a0 He is well intended but lacks maturity.\u00a0 I fought the full moon to use silence as the better answer to the many emails\u2026best for us both.<\/p>\n

As for Henry, that I am his only friend on Stowe Lane brings me great joy, his recovery and return to his simple life of going to get his sandwich and clean his car each day will bring me greater joy. I remain cautiously optimistic for them both, reminiscences be damned.<\/p>\n

But I am worried about my Lina she hasn\u2019t been herself either lately.\u00a0 Just little things that could easily be explained by her tentative nature, until later on Friday they couldn\u2019t be anymore.\u00a0 She didn\u2019t eat. \u00a0This sounds so random but for my Lina not to eat is cause for alarm.\u00a0 It simply has never happened.<\/p>\n

One look at her gums and I knew we were in crisis so it was off to the vet we go.\u00a0 Thankfully, by calling the emergency number I was able to avoid going to the chaos of the Oradell Hospital emergency room.\u00a0 Instead she met me at the Ramsey hospital where there was no one in the building.\u00a0 I\u2019m not sure after the day I\u2019d already had that I was prepared for the next few hours but I learned that I am definitely the one you want speaking on your behalf in a crisis earlier thoughts of doubt about Thomas decisions abandoned.<\/p>\n

Bleeding into her tummy could mean one of several things ranging from manageable to euthanasia.\u00a0 My Lina was very sick and here I thought she was mad about getting a bath that day.\u00a0 Think about how courageous this little girl was getting a bath while bleeding internally.\u00a0 My heart breaks for her courage.\u00a0 I\u2019ll spare the rest of the gruesome conversation but suffice to say we had a plan (and an estimate of cost) to proceed with sonograms and ex-rays and confirmations of a mass in the spleen and pre-op underway.\u00a0 Phone calls made and friends by my side (which I normally don\u2019t do but I\u2019m learning) and we go in to see her before the procedure where she is laying on the table as if she were about to have her picture taken.\u00a0 She was so brave, not something she is known for, no crying no shaking just patient on the verge of serene\u2026uncanny but I was grateful and at the same time frightened to death of the uncharacteristic demeanor is if it meant she already had one foot on the other side.<\/p>\n

Muriel and I waited as only we could, in comfortable silence infused with fits of laughter and snippets of stories and waiting room nostalgia.\u00a0 It was hours, it was cold, and it was mind wandering madness.<\/p>\n

God love that little girl she came through, which Martina (tucked at home praying in her just-like-her-grandmother-taught-her way) knew all along. Lina was so generous in recovery to open her eyes and raise her head at the sound of my voice that I felt like she would be alright at the very least out of danger for the moment. Thank you little one.<\/p>\n

So Muriel took me home, in the pouring rain, to a glass of wine and Lina\u2019s sister Toto who had never been without her.\u00a0 Toto was mad at me to begin with for having her nails clipped and her haircut but to come home without her sister just might be unforgivable.\u00a0 She wouldn\u2019t come up on the bed; she did her business quickly and went right back to sit in my chair where she would return over and over after each imposition of eating or walking.\u00a0 She is in pain without her sister but she too is being brave. I think I\u2019m being brave too but I was happy enough to just stay in my pajamas and withdraw with Toto all day on Saturday.<\/p>\n

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There have been tiny steady improvements over the last two days, she walked a few steps to see me for a few minutes Saturday morning which both thrilled me and broke my heart.\u00a0 She pooped, she ate some breakfast, her blood count improved which would mean avoiding a transfusion, and her heartbeat is more regulated.\u00a0 There are, however, the ever present biopsy results to await.\u00a0 BENIGN would be good God\u2026OK? For both Lina and Toto\u2019s sake.\u00a0 We hope to bring her home tomorrow.\u00a0 Stay tuned\u2026<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Since I\u2019ve rearranged the furniture in my office\u00a0I\u2019ve become that woman.\u00a0 I could run for mayor of Stowe Lane if ever the current mayor resigns, thankfully that is very unlikely.\u00a0 But Friday it was a good thing because my friend … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[193,6],"tags":[539,399,541,540,538],"class_list":["post-2163","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-ordinary-pet-legacies","category-pause-points","tag-for-the-love-of-a-dog","tag-full-moon","tag-its-been-a-weekend","tag-its-just-cars","tag-on-the-verge"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p27hQ5-yT","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ordinarylegacy.com\/word\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2163","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ordinarylegacy.com\/word\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ordinarylegacy.com\/word\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ordinarylegacy.com\/word\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ordinarylegacy.com\/word\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2163"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.ordinarylegacy.com\/word\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2163\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2166,"href":"https:\/\/www.ordinarylegacy.com\/word\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2163\/revisions\/2166"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ordinarylegacy.com\/word\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2163"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ordinarylegacy.com\/word\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2163"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ordinarylegacy.com\/word\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2163"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}