{"id":1396,"date":"2013-03-29T11:23:07","date_gmt":"2013-03-29T15:23:07","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.ordinarylegacy.com\/word\/?p=1396"},"modified":"2013-03-29T11:23:37","modified_gmt":"2013-03-29T15:23:37","slug":"the-girls","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ordinarylegacy.com\/word\/2013\/03\/29\/the-girls\/","title":{"rendered":"The “Girls”"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"the<\/a><\/p>\n

Once upon a style a few dozen pounds ago I could show off a turtleneck sweater with the best of them.\u00a0 I\u2019m not talking about Nora Ephron hide my neck kind of show off I mean Marilyn Monroe kind of pinup girl show off.<\/p>\n

Being stacked is both a blessing and a curse.\u00a0 Blessing in that men find you attractive and it evens out your damn hips. Curse because you can\u2019t, well, play golf for instance.\u00a0 Furthermore, you can\u2019t wear button down shirts that fit your shoulders without busting a button. Get it?\u00a0<\/p>\n

Many and I mean many, years ago there was a test you could do to decide whether you were able to wear a tube top, you remember those right?\u00a0 If you could slide a pencil, you remember those too right, under your breast and it fell to the ground you could wear a tube top.\u00a0 Wear one without looking like those tubes of polenta that start to smush and mush when they get warm that is. Just sayin.\u00a0 I was NOT one of those girls.\u00a0<\/p>\n

I was, and still am, one of those women that need a cast iron bra.\u00a0 The lift and separate using underwire and stays and side panels and four hook kind.\u00a0 There is no lace or front closure or racer back or, god forbid, padding.\u00a0 There is minimizing, end of story.<\/p>\n

Like many young girls, when I started to develop I thought what the hell am I going to do with these?\u00a0 To make them less out there I would hunch a bit.\u00a0 At thirteen you don\u2019t want to be attractive to men, you just want to fit in with the other kids.\u00a0\u00a0 Posture wasn\u2019t as important then and damn am I paying for that now, Dowagers hump here I come.<\/p>\n

So now I have to really pay attention and I was reminded of that just recently.\u00a0 We had a wonderful gathering of women friends to wish one of our own congratulations in her new job.\u00a0 Truly it was wonderful until the cameras came out.\u00a0<\/p>\n

I\u2019m a big fan of perfect storms and boy did this one roar in and do some damage.\u00a0 Combine a few glasses of wine, a relaxed pose (read shitty posture), a well worn in bra (more like tin than iron clad), and a clingy turtleneck sweater and you have a very rude awakening.<\/p>\n

So ok pass the cameras around and now let\u2019s have a look.\u00a0 OMG.\u00a0 Here I go again, what the hell am I going to do with those.\u00a0 They look a lot like tubes of polenta doing what warm polenta in the tube does.\u00a0 I can\u2019t help but laugh my head off at the sight and the girls, at the dinner that is, did too. The words that spring immediately to mind are Old Italian woman.<\/p>\n

While this Old Italian woman is damn glad that her breasts are healthy and tested negative for cancer she is awake now.\u00a0 So six pounds and three new cast iron, minimizing, foundations (as they were once called) later I have started down the path of redemption.\u00a0\u00a0 Breaking in those bras is no easy task as most women are fully (lol) aware.\u00a0 Someone tell me again why men do not have one piece of clothing that needs to be broken in.\u00a0 No maybe don\u2019t tell me, I don\u2019t want to know.<\/p>\n

\u00a0I\u2019m sure I won\u2019t give up turtlenecks because I live in the Northeast and it gets damn cold but I know like I know that rocking a clingy turtleneck like Marilyn Monroe is more about attitude, posture and a damn good bra than anything else.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Once upon a style a few dozen pounds ago I could show off a turtleneck sweater with the best of them.\u00a0 I\u2019m not talking about Nora Ephron hide my neck kind of show off I mean Marilyn Monroe kind of … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[5,6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1396","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-in-the-company-of-women-2","category-pause-points"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p27hQ5-mw","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ordinarylegacy.com\/word\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1396","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ordinarylegacy.com\/word\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ordinarylegacy.com\/word\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ordinarylegacy.com\/word\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ordinarylegacy.com\/word\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1396"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/www.ordinarylegacy.com\/word\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1396\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1402,"href":"https:\/\/www.ordinarylegacy.com\/word\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1396\/revisions\/1402"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ordinarylegacy.com\/word\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1396"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ordinarylegacy.com\/word\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1396"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ordinarylegacy.com\/word\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1396"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}