Category Archives: Pause Points

Ordinary legacy moments in time.

I Know Like I Know 2012

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I guess I’ve got a way of looking at things that’s a little different than most. So many of the people I’ve talked to recently are soooo glad that 2012 is over.  They swear it was the worst ever.  I had this, I had that.  I couldn’t wait for this year to be over sadly wishing it so.

Someone I know has a friend that reminds them never to wish time away. I agree, so as I look around at the end of 2012 all I see are little moments, momentum and mostly healing.

Beginning in January, with an Angel in the audience of Wicked, we were touched by a stranger that set my sister’s true healing in motion.  Here was another person who knew her pain but had the courage to walk up and let her know you will be ok, you will always have him and you can go on.  Keep your touchstone it will move you forward when you are stuck. This courage was transferred to my Sister when she became mentor of the year of firsts for her friend Linda.

In the same day, my dearest friend suffered a skiing accident that provided an epiphany of sorts that set her on the road to growth, of both those broken legs and the spirit she had put aside.  Then my summer sister came to the end of her chemo sessions and triumphantly had her “port” removed shortly before coming to the Cape for a wonderful little vacation.  There,we three women talked and laughed and walked and read and ate and cooked and enjoyed each other’s company.  We created a calm and healing three days that restored me from all the burdens I had been carrying on their behalf.  I could let it all go, they would be fine.

Finally healed from a long resistant infection my mother acquiesced to cataract surgery.  Miracle of miracles she can see so beautifully now she’s picked up, after so many long years, her love of books.   My friends Linda and Corrine would also battle infections that were potentially life threatening through to the end with grace and kvetching and bitching and moaning and gratitude and relief.  They are both in good places now with only the usual aches and pains of everyday life.

My people are fine. For all their little inconveniences, neighborhood disputes, crazy kids and work and struggle they are fine.  They are thriving, I can tell by the intensity of bitching going on.  It’s been greatly reduced, quiet even.  Is that gratitude in the air?  Nah, just a temporary lapse in things to bitch about; or a full on awareness that I don’t suffer bad energy any more.  They will bring good momentum in spite of themselves.

My little moments happened on my deck, on Sunday mornings, in convertibles, lunching with good friends, on my walks, reading my books and writing my tiny little blog.  My big moments happened when I became one of two Aunts to a little puggle named Chevy, when I had coffee with my Father during a Hurricane named Sandy and when the transformation of my home was completed.

There was some contest that promised as its prize; $10,000 and a Handyman for a Week.  I never entered the sweepstakes but thought, yeah that’s all I need.  Yeah, 10k and a handyman for a week, let me keep that out there. This is the point where my sister says, “Of course you did”.  Months later a flyer on my door, a revelation from my Mother that you should have this while I’m alive, and my bathrooms are complete. (Of course they are.)  Add to that the fan that hangs on my deck, the newly tiled foyer and my handyman turned good friend and this was a banner year on Stowe Lane.  Everywhere I look in my home I am happy.  Two wonderful compliments came our (meaning mine and my home’s) way recently, “your home is so three dimensional” and another friend walked in for the first time and said, “I knew it would look like this”.  Nothing makes me smile (MMS) more than being comfortable, safe and surrounded by the history in my home and sharing that history with anyone who enters.

Sadly we lost Gramma Velda this year, and the only man Nicole really knew as a father, and Linda lost her Burt, and Mick lost his Sassy.  We said farewell to adults, and dogs and children we didn’t even know but who touched our hearts quite deeply.

Yet I believe this was a wonderful year.  For all that can ever go wrong, nothing that couldn’t be surmounted ever did.  For all that did happen, silver linings and happy endings are making their way into our hearts.  Good health is being restored and strengthened, community is being fortified, and work is meaningful and thankfully abundant.

Healing can take many forms, it can happen without your ever even realizing it, it can happen slowly, it can happen with epiphanies and it can happen when you least expect it.  But it can only truly happen when you can finally see it. I know like I know that I am blessed to be among you and wish you continued momentum, little moments and the vision to see the proof that healing is always right before your very eyes.

“Some people see scars, and it is wounding they remember. To me they are proof of the fact that there is healing.”
― Linda Hogan

 

 

 

Les Mis

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We have long ago forgone the extravagant gifts at Christmas for time together.  We realize the significance of time more than most so my sister’s gift to me for Christmas was two hours and thirty eight minutes of Les Miserables, the movie.  Yeah, us and all the Jews.  They, who relish the movies on Christmas Day, were none too happy that we were invading their bastion of tradition in droves.  To the point of sold out showings, everywhere.

My sister went early to get the tickets.  She knows I am a fan.  Don’t think the folly of the hundreds spent on seeing this show four times on Broadway is lost on me.  I don’t care.  Each time I saw it I was moved to tears and brought to my feet as if it was the first time.  So expectations were high, well not so much as the trailer and the coming attractions and commercials brought goose bumps and welling in advance.

I could not have had a better seat, last row, and last seat all the way to the right of the screen.  No one in front of me and several fans in the same row.  Make no mistake this is a movie for fans.  The reviews have been mixed but the fans turned out in record numbers for an opening showing…on Christmas Day.

Tom Hooper’s direction is fabulous, his innovation in recording the singing live while filming is perfect even if all the notes aren’t, yes Russell we’re talking to you but who the hell would expect Javert to be able to sing anyway.  I love Hugh Jackman as Jean Valjean, and Ann Hathaway’s one take wonder of “I Dreamed a Dream” started everyone down the path of smeared mascara and sniffing.  I didn’t risk tissues for this movie but had a trusty faded bandana to weep and snivel into, so clever am I.

Yes, that was Colm Wilkinson as the priest who saves Jean Valjean from going back to prison.  He is my all-time favorite Jean Valjean, ever. And I did see him (twice) on Broadway, so the nuance of him setting Jean Valjean on the path of righteousness was a brilliant cameo pick in my mind.  Too much, have I said who cares enough yet?

I thought the casting was perfect, each bringing their acting/singing abilities with them toward a musical as much acted as sung.  I love the firsts, the technology, the live singing, and the true to the original feel of a movie make of a beloved Broadway show.

To say I was a mess at the end of this movie is an understatement.  My bandana could be wrung out. Whatever the critics say the hell with them.  The audience applauded the finale, and I must say I didn’t know how Tom was going to get Hugh into the final number from…well you know, but he did.  I loved this movie, I loved sitting in a dark theater knowing my sister was right next to me, keeping an eye on me as I brushed the tears away.  I will own this movie and watch it over and over finding something new to love each time including the memory of a Christmas spent with my sister.

 

 

 

Fall on Your Knees

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When I hear that line from the Christmas carol Holy Night it sticks in my throat every time.  I cannot sing that line for the emotion it brings no matter what language I hear it in it still overwhelms me.

So I’ll let Andrea Bocelli sing it for you and we can be a mess together.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9egij7D5seI

Merry Christmas I wish you all the blessings of the season and even more in the New Year..

You Can Wish Me

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I think of you every time I wish someone Merry Christmas he said. Thanks I said but I knew where this was going.  He had launched a campaign to wish everyone a Merry Christmas instead of letting the words Happy Holidays pass his lips. This from a faithful church going had lifesaving open heart surgery, second chance at life man who I think of as one of the nicest human beings I know…and who still owes me a glass of red and a co-written blog post.

He thinks of me because I’m ok with Happy Holidays, you can wish me Happy Holidays and I appreciate that you wish me well.  I’m no longer under the illusion that everyone celebrates Christmas.  I don’t presume to know everyone’s faith or what they believe in if they believe in anything.  I don’t push my faith on others and I don’t want them to push their faith on me.  Fact is I thought my faith was faltering for a long time but it wasn’t faith I was questioning it was religion and its rigidity and exclusivity and non-inclusiveness that was in question.  As I always say, “God ain’t mad at me, I’m doing good work”.

I am blessed to know and love many different kinds of people these days.  I’m no longer cocooned in a world of “my people” the way I was when I was growing up.  Things have changed, for the better in my opinion, when I can learn from different faiths and ethnicities and respect and love them just the same as if they were “going about with Merry Christmas on their lips”.

I love this season.  I didn’t always but my world has changed drastically and continues to change as I move through it with altered vision and perspective.  The more I look around the more I see the similarities and less I see the differences.  So if saying Happy Holidays is offensive to you I suggest you look at your valued collection of friends and colleagues and see if they might appreciate hearing that instead of Merry Christmas.  If Happy Holidays screams liberalism to you then perhaps you might want to step out of the political ring and into the town you live in where we help each other and say hello with full hearts every day.

Not acknowledging how diverse our towns, states and country has become is limiting yourself to the “old ways” that were none too happy for our ancestors who came from somewhere else and made a difference in our lives. Surely we’ve come farther than that.  Happy Holidays is a celebratory cry out for and from those who have embraced this country with their own traditions and love of freedom.

Open that now perfect heart my friend and see that you are surrounded by people who are living and loving this country and this season as much as you think you do.