Category Archives: Pause Points

Ordinary legacy moments in time.

Good Company

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My idea of good company is the company of clever, well-informed people, who have a great deal of conversation; that is what I call good company.

Jane Austen (1775 – 1817), Persuasion, 1818

If you’ve got to be in the car for anything over five hours it helps to have a light at the end of the tunnel that isn’t a train…just sayin.  When the day is done and your meetings went very well and you’re ready to kick back it’s especially nice to do it in good company.  That usually means someone who can just welcome you and live in plan B for a tiny period of time.  Someone who can take time out of their own routine to insure your visit is delightful, I call that a good friend.

A really good friend will walk with you to get the blood circulating again, hand you a glass of wine and just wait for the exhale.  Walk a bit more to eat with you in a fabulous restaurant exploring the menu and taking a chance on something that might not be familiar.  Lingering over the meal and the wine/martinis and catching up on all that we may have missed over the last few years that life has gotten in the way of seeing each other more often.  It’s a rich conversation, a funny conversation, a smart and poignant conversation that seems like we’ve never missed a beat. How I love a good conversation that defies the boundaries of time.

Continue on to something sweet at the bar, of course, and laughs and giggles with the bartender, when was the last time I remember doing that? Jeez.  Still not tired still chatting still laughing, thoughtful moments with tears on the brink but never spilling over; this is a true catch up.

The next morning explore the city from a native’s perspective finding more and more in common among the people we meet and each other.  Camera in hand, capturing our time together, even on a no makeup Friday, enjoying the glorious weather and the history that is Old City Philly we promise to keep in better touch.  This was too much fun not to.

There are people that come into your life and immediately make themselves indispensable, who understand that legacy means living your life the way you want your story told. It is a rare and precious gift to have people like this and to make sure you don’t lose them to anything as silly as the passage of time is imperative.

Happy Birthday Bethie, you know I wish you enough.

30 Day Challenge

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So June seems to be the month of 30 day challenges. I’ve seen the 30 day ab challenge, squat challenge, paleo challenge, Christian music challenge, bike to work challenge and photo a day challenge. As I’m seeing all these I’m wondering what the hell the big deal is.

Turns out thirty days is a magic change your life and it might actually stick kind of a thing. I didn’t believe it until I started looking back on some of the things I’ve changed in my own life.

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I no longer watch the news, my tolerance for the daily list of disasters reached the breaking point almost four years ago. The big dramatic voice that all the newscasters have adopted just plucked my last nerve. I didn’t consciously say I won’t watch the news for thirty days but that’s exactly how it started. Now I’m informed through other sources that are more balanced.

I needed to get more veggies and fruit in my diet so I bought a Nutri-Bullet (which I wore out and had to buy another one just recently) and almost two years later I’ve been getting practically my entire daily allowance each morning. Check.

I wanted to pick up my camera again. I missed it and apparently it missed me too. I did an actual thirty day photo treasure hunt (this was a friendly challenge, no pressure, safe place kind of an entrée back into the photographic world) with amazing results. The right side of my brain suddenly remembered things like depth of field and shutter speed but more importantly everything looked worth photographing. The other challenge I tacked on to this one was daily post production and ruthless deletion of so so images. I believe my hard drive will thank me. Still annoying everyone with my documenting life…Check.

In December I bought a Fitbit which will count your steps, analyze your sleep, connect to Spark People so you can log your food, you get the idea. The goal was ten thousand steps a day. Well for the first four months it told me exactly what I WASN’T doing. The winter sucked what can I say? Along comes spring and I convince a few friends to Fitbit with me and we’re off…kind of. It’s not a challenge but a friendly way of competing. What I found is that people have lives, they’re busy and making sure I’m getting my steps in is not their problem. Just sayin. So I did a few things to get the steps in, walk the girls in the morning, walk them separately in the afternoon. Not gonna happen, they are not afternoon walkers. There are too many distractions for my Lina to bear and one day she actually turned us around and took us home. Ok.

Then there is the matter of mindless TV and I’m not really a TV person. I don’t have a TV in my bedroom and my poor little TV in the living room is about 12 years old and so is my Tivo. I don’t need much and the thought of a huge crystal clear like you’re at the movies TV is lost on me. TV sucks me in as soon as I turn it on. It makes me snack and makes me mad and I can’t stand it but I can’t break away either. Oh you know what I’m talking about, Diners, Drive-ins and Dives, Pitbulls and Parolees, anything makeover don’t say you’ve never been there…whatever your personal variation in programming.

So now I’m thinking of doing my own 30 day challenge to only watch television while on my stepper. That will get me my steps, clean up my TIVO and get me out when I’m done.   I can jump off after reaching my ten thousand steps (I’ve been averaging between six and seven thousand a day) and get on with the business of relaxing or walking my way into over achievement…not likely. Stay tuned.

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Keeping My Feet

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“Remember what Bilbo used to say: It’s a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don’t keep your feet, there’s no knowing where you might be swept off to.” – JRR Tolkien

I’ve been swept off to Bermuda with my Sister and some of her extended family.  We are in celebration of Honey and each other.  Finally at that wonderful moment when the celebration of life replaces mourning a life.  We had exactly the wonderful time you would expect with laughter and poignant moments and oh yes more laughter.

The only reason I’m able to be swept away is the trust I have in the people who watch over the day-to-day of my life while I’m gone.  That the Girls have their Uncle Pete from the Furry Godmother is a blessing to them and to me.

For the short time I’m away I can truly be away, my gratitude is unending for our ever present Aunt Muriel and Aunt Martina who watch over us with the love of family.  I would be lost without them on so many levels.

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And so it is with a light heart that I can enjoy my Sister and her family with not a care of what I’ll come back to, because I know like I know that it will be our ordinary, just the way I left it, couldn’t be better life on Stowe Ln.

 

 

 

Superpowers

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Usually a Superpower refers to a state that has a dominant position in international relations and is characterized by its unparalleled ability to exert influence or project power on a global scale. Thank you once again Wikipedia. But there is an emerging, at least in my little universe, group of women that are bantering the term about regularly. These women are a decade…eh hem or more…younger than I but I love the way they think.

Andrea Scher, Karen Walrond, Brene Brown, Elizabeth Gilbert: You have superpowers! they say.

Yes, I do. Apparently I’ve been developing and honing them for years. But I’ve never referred to them as such, it would never occur to me to refer to them as such because…who the hell knows why. Here’s how I see it:

Writing. In a straight forward, tell me what you want to say and I’ll help you say it way. Bring me your voice and your thoughts and I’ll translate for you. I can do that.

Listening. Tell me your story, tell me your pain, tell me your troubles, tell me your predicament, God forbid you tell me your joy. People talk to me, not just my people but a lot of people. Total strangers on a line somewhere who are uncomfortable will talk to me. Any one in any situation will gravitate to me and begin a conversation. Kids will talk to me even dogs will talk to me. It’s the face my best friend keeps telling me.

Exhaling. After hearing and translating and offering I have finally learned that my job is not to fix. My job, the reason I’m here, what I can do, is give. And then exhale. Do NOT make the offer, do NOT volunteer, do NOT deprive yet another individual of the satisfaction of bringing themselves into their own. Even if that means falling down, come to find out the getting up is the reward, the character builder, the friend of resourcefulness.   This superpower was hard earned and it’s still in its initial stages but oh it is going to be big big big.

Process. It’s that interesting balance of common sense, pragmatism and foresight that somehow eludes others. Here’s the secret, it’s not a superpower it’s the ability to look one minute, I mean just one minute, beyond what YOU are doing. If you can master that you will see how, wait for it, others are being effected. A smooth process is about flow, knowing where the flow is being crimped makes you a superhero. There you go, please, get started on this one yourself.

Today is Mother’s Day and usually I struggle through this holiday as a Father’s Daughter. My sister and I spend every Sunday morning with our Mother so to gain perspective in this struggle I came to the conclusion that every Sunday is Mother’s Day but today had cards, and hot bakery rolls and my best behavior. The live and let live, let it go already superpower is still a work in progress. I’m hoping once you recognize a superpower it’s much easier to develop.

I know like I know that these women are on to something when they profess that we all have superpowers. But it’s not about bending steel with your bear hands or xray vision.  As Superheroes themselves, they possess that most invaluable superpower of them all; generosity.

 

 

Luncheonette

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Strange what brings these past things so vividly back to us sometimes…..Harriet Beecher Stowe

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I recently had the pleasure of dining with a colleague and fellow car hag at a little place called the Bread Crumb. The Bread Crumb is a luncheonette. I love that word, luncheonette, it is incredibly nostalgic as was this gem of a place. It serves breakfast and lunch, that’s it.  The décor is pretty much the same as it’s always been, booths on one side, a few tables scattered along the other side and middle. The wall paper must have been impeccably hung as it appears to be a decades old design. The menu is limited and old fashioned in a way that makes you believe you are back in your hometown in your teens.

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The woman I was lunching with is one of those people I always knew I would enjoy. Her sense of humor is quick, her work ethic is awesome, she’s got a story like most of us and I could have chatted with her for hours. Unfortunately the Bread Crumb closes at 1:30pm but the keys go in the door at 1:15pm. You will get shooed along if you’ve not finished your lunch which is usually where I find myself as a notoriously slow eater.

I was told the Bread Crumb makes the best chicken salad but my go to was always the BLT. While enjoying my BLT I couldn’t help but think of the places the Bread Crumb reminded me of, Luhmann’s Ice Cream Parlor with its narrow back hall up the stairs to the parking lot. The Woolworth’s lunch counter where many a cherry coke and fries were consumed after school. And of course, Dan’s Deli a block from the High School that made the best home fries ever, served in a paper coffee cup to go.

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It was clear that the clientele at the Bread Crumb was older. Where else could one get a wink from an older gentleman in a bow tie. Who else but me would brazenly wink back? There is a sadness in the fact that this clientele might be the last to frequent the luncheonette. There is nothing fancy, nothing modern to offer the younger generations. Even more sad is the fact that this type of neighborhood establishment was already a dying entity as witnessed by the long ago closed establishments I was so nostalgic about. Only Dan’s Deli will remain as long as the high school does.

Regardless of its fate, I love that this little hole in the wall in a strip mall is staying true to their roots, serving a simply decent meal at a fair price to a regular clientele and a few strangers accompanied by a local. They work hard, are courteous and out by 1:45pm, the latest.