Category Archives: In the Company of Women

A safe place to share joy and sorrow, laughter and tears, triumph and disappointment.

Clothing Pet Peeves List

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Clothing Pet Peeve

As illustrated so beautifully by Sarah Andersen, are clothing companies aware that bras exist?

Or that not all women are size extra small/double zero/you should eat something?

Or that the ones that actually do eat something may require something called a dart in their clothing. Anybody remember those?

Or that larger women do NOT require the arm hole in a sleeveless top to measure 22 inches and fall somewhere around their waist.

That what they do require is a larger width between those arm holes……Yes that might require an inch or two of extra fabric, which we are already paying for if we are plus sized.

Do you think they realize that larger women might also be petite at the same time? You know short…

They might want to rethink the longer-in-the-back styles for big breasted women because those girls actually require more length in the FRONT. You know that beautiful shelf that’s created when you’ve got a bust, yeah it hikes things up in the front.

Does anything get cut on the bias anymore, you know the most flattering cut for every single body type under the sun, on the planet?

No, none of this. Think it will ever change? Not likely. Why in this trend-a-minute, use the cheapest-fabric-and-labor-possible would any clothing company want to raise their awareness? They wouldn’t. So unless you’re willing to spend triple the price you’re paying, find yourself a good tailor, or drag out the sewing machine invest in yet another wardrobe of camisoles and suck it up.

Aggghhhh but find yourself a tailor anyway.

 

The Power of Pitching a Fit

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If you’re anything like me you probably think you’ve got it all together. People come to you and ask your advice, you struggle with not fixing things for everyone anymore and sometimes you actually succeed. You’re a safe place, people can say anything they want to you and it goes nowhere beyond the conversation. Vent away, of course you feel that way, I’m so sorry this is happening, you say to whomever needs to hear it.

You find yourself saying these things time and time again and then sometimes you wonder where those same people go when they’re feeling fabulous. Not to your house as it turns out. And so it begins that crazy mixture of self-pity, I never ask for anything rant (except that you take two minutes each week to read my tiny little blog), why am I always alone story you tell yourself right before your back starts aching and your hip doesn’t work right and you have a headache every day and your hair is as big as Diana Ross. You see where this is going?

It happens to all of us at one time or another. When the stuff of life starts manifesting in your body I don’t care how many affirmations you recite, how much praying you do it won’t work until you pitch a fit. The cares and woes of all your people are safe with you, they feel better and you are better for being there but summon up your petulant child and start stamping your feet, crying your eyes out or dancing/running/walking it out of your body when you feel it coming on. Howl at the moon, punch the bobo doll, find a way to sweat it out. I’m not kidding it works.

Don’t let it fester as if you are everyone’s personal vessel of troubles. Yes, you are a kind hearted soul that somehow finds yourself with a head full of everything that’s happened to your people in the last six months/years/decades. Remember it’s not your stuff, get rid of it, the helping is done now let it go.

Don’t let the situation worm its way into all of your own things you’ve been putting aside. Because God knows you can make a mountain out of wink when you’re in this state of teary aches and pains and why’s and why nots. Remember you have people too. They would be happy to say what you need to hear if only you tap them on the shoulder, or shoot a text or show up for lunch as it turns out. It’s not your job to take care of everyone else first, it’s your job to take care of you first. If you’re empty for yourself you’re empty for everyone else too.

Indulge your temper tantrum, with those who’ve seen it before. I am eternally grateful for my besties, the ones who cheer when I pitch a fit…because they know like they know I’ll be fine in a minute. Ok, I’m done now.

A Callahan’s Mom

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Today it was all about the hot dog. And beer…birch beer. And a piece of the past that we shared so many years ago as a young family growing up in Bergen County. For Mother’s Day we dined at Callahan’s Hot Dogs. Not brunch, no cooking, no fuss just a hot dog, well not JUST a hot dog it was Callahan’s after all. The snap, the flavor, the birch beer, the music it just all came together like a time capsule broken wide open. It was simple, it was heartwarming, it didn’t include my father but enough trains passed by that we were pretty sure he was on one of them. It’s what she wanted to do for her day.

Sometimes you get there. Sometimes a father’s daughter can learn to appreciate her mother because a little dog comes along and makes her into a Gramma. The mistakes aren’t forgotten but they are relabeled into something more palatable, something more relatable.

The reliance has become endearing especially when you find yourself saying you did the right thing, out loud. Me: no it wasn’t the IRS calling. Me: yes do call the police to report it. Me: see even they said you did the right thing. Now it counts…

Most of all you admit you don’t know what you’ll be like when you’re approaching 86 years old. You admit you’re glad that you own the dog she loves as if it were a grandchild. You admit there may be more similarities than differences, our feet don’t touch the ground. It’s a start albeit a small one, no pun intended.

There is gratitude in the passing of time that allowed all things to come to the point where regrets are over taken by small moments. Like receiving the proud sticker that said Callahan’s Mom from the original owner’s grandson who called her Gramma, day complete.

Happy Mother’s Day from a father’s daughter…

Car Hag’s Brunch 2016

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vintage car hags

What happens when you put a dozen women from the car business in a room, add mimosa, bloody mary, wine and enough savory and sweet nibbles to thwart inebriation? The dam breaks, it all comes out, every story and situation that has happened over the last year spills into the room with laughter loud enough to move the Richter scale.

To be correct we are women in the automotive industry but nobody calls it that… let’s face it it’s the car business. And we have be aptly named car hags by one of the funniest and inclusive men that was ever in the car business. He was generous with his knowledge when men were still calling us Hon (men still call us Hon) giving us the secrets of the trade, letting us in on the real deal and telling us how to get around “the boys”.

car hags brunch 2016

The percentage of women in the car business is still pretty small but seated around the table were CFO, Team Leads, Inventory Manager, General Sales Manager, Area Manager, IT Manager, Marketing Event Planner, Center Development Coordinator, Customer Relations, Service Department Expert and Center Assistance Manager from both the regional and dealer level. These dozen women brought to the table experience from the last forty years…we have seen it all.

Here’s what we’ve learned:

When conducting a meeting do it from the head of the table.

Learn to use the word “careful” when looking to stop an errant 24 year old from calling you Hon.

Insist that your time be respected as valuable.

Work as hard as the men, but smarter.

When trying to explain something start with the word “perhaps” instead of going with your first impulse to slap…

If you must slap, slap them so hard (verbally that is we don’t have access to bail money) they think they got a kiss.

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When all else fails, call another car hag. We have no twelve step program, we have no formal association, and we have no rules or guidelines. What we have is shared experience, incredible depth and breadth of knowledge and a willingness to help a sista out of a situation. If not for this tribe, women in the car business would still be getting coffee and getting their asses slapped. We might never rid the industry of the word Hon but we can certainly “identify and discuss” the offenders to the point where their ears are ringing off their heads.

Hopefully as we move forward there will be more and more women identifying themselves as car hags, I know the name’s not pretty and many have tried to change it but it’s strong and able. In an industry still so heavily dominated by men we owe it to ourselves to put our hands out to each other to assist and uplift rather than demean and compete with each other.

My time in the car business is nearing a close. As I get closer and closer to retirement I know like I know that I will remain a car hag well into my old age and will do everything I can to insure there is a safe place for the others to vent and share and keep this time honored alliance going.

 

I Know Like I Know 2015

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Wisdom comes from anything that has ever healed in your life. The intensity and number of those things varies throughout your life. I’ve often quoted Zora Neale Hurston’s view of some years ask the questions and some years answer them. With the years that answer comes the healing and the wisdom. With what could have become a downward spiral came the answers this year.

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We lost our Lina to a nasty cancer that moved quickly and thoroughly allowing only enough time for us to realize that this little girl who suffered so terribly from anxiety her whole life could indeed be brave. Her sister showed us how to heal in the most basic way, forget yourself and give your love to someone else, her Gramma. This is the love affair that saved us all.

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I had the pleasure of being a part of two very different stories this year. Spending time with Ida and learning how to make ravioli in her company along with her family will stay with me forever. Food traditions are a recurring theme on this blog, and so important to the development of individual and family legacies. Documenting them is becoming more and more imperative so they are not lost.

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Along those lines I had the privilege of reading and sharing a wonderful story about my friend Bill’s father. He had documented his feelings about the world and his place in it when Bill was just a year old. In retrospect he set about embracing and living up to his story in big and small ways. What a treasure to preserve for generations to come.

Story preservation kept ringing in my ears, these lessons taught unwittingly with integrity and honesty are invaluable. From the tiniest gestures, to the unique talents, to the surprises and family folklore and secrets our elders are an untapped resource that I fear will be lost. And so the Elder Beauty Project started to take shape. This coming year I hope you’ll give some thought to highlighting someone in your life and contact this story preservationist to assist.

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Through some serendipitous clicking around the internet my sister and I found ourselves on a mountain in Ludlow VT. More than once after our return we’ve found ourselves saying it’s the best thing we’ve ever done. Green Mountain at Fox Run provided hope among the birch with lessons on Food, Movement and Mindfulness. Most importantly they provided a very safe place to make it your intention to let go of something that no longer serves you. And that we did.

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For me it was letting go of my story. The one I’ve been carrying around for decades, the one that wasn’t mine to carry around, and the one that I feared would become my legacy. The most courageous thing that I have done to date is write my story, and the story of ordinary legacy, and submit it to Women for One for consideration as one of their Truthtellers. Happily, gratefully, humbly they accepted and published my story, I am now a Truthteller. That my story may somehow help someone else in a similar situation is of great comfort to me but the healing has been of even greater solace. With healing comes the wisdom.

Blogger Recognition Award 2015

I was also nominated for a blogger recognition award. I don’t know if there is an actual award or if someone simply thought highly enough of my work to give it recognition through sharing but I am grateful to Maria Baird of Manifesting Me none the less.

This is the first year in many decades that I’ve had my picture taken and shared so often. Frankly I’ve had my picture taken more this year than in the last ten years. I’ve spent an eternity behind the camera but never in front. It became clear to me through all this good work that if your intention is to leave a legacy they may as well know what you look like, no? Now I’d love to find someone who can really capture who I really am on film, stay tuned.

The year was filled with friends, old, new and new/old. Retirement (41)

 

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Not least among them was Wanda. She shared her beautiful Cape home, her sorrows and her joys with me as if we’d just hung up from each other last week. It is a wonderful gift to connect with someone so quickly with complete trust. I look forward to sharing all that is the story of us in the coming years.

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I finally found Instagram. Seriously, I started a 365 in November and am enjoying the hell out of it. You can find me on Instagram @ordinarylegacy or you can follow the hashtag #lifeonstowelane. I know you’re shocked by both of those. There is that moment when you realize that a hashtag of your own is cool but other common hashtags can connect you to others and some very funny or poignant stories and oh yeah it can connect people to you…#wetdog is a favorite as is #fromwhereistand. Took me awhile but this old dog learned a new trick, just sayin.

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And so this was the year of wisdom through healing. Watching my mother, aka Gramma, with Toti Nonna has made me realize all we ever really need is a loving connection. Watching my sister let go of the grief that no longer serves her has brought laughter and ease and renewal. Watching others heal through my words has brought gratitude and responsibility. Healing has brought me wisdom. I look forward, like never before, to the coming year, the coming decade and the continued wisdom it will bring. I hope you will continue to honor me with your presence on Ordinary Legacy and join me in preserving even more stories through the Elder Beauty Project.  Stay tuned to find out what’s happening on Stowe Lane…

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