Universal Conspiracy

That moment when the way things unfold equals the universe conspiring in your favor…can stop you in your tracks.

Yesterday Toti Nonna and I got soaked, nearly drowned !!!!! it rained so hard.  Down to our understuff, down to the phone in my pocket.  The jacket wasn’t really meant for rain or its repelability is completely gone. My favorite shoes are still wet a day later.

So I need a new phone and go online and order through our portal.

An iPhone 7.

Denied, we can’t order the 7 we can only order the 6S so I can’t approve this for you.

How blessed am I with a boss that says WE can’t instead of YOU can’t.  And then hurries me along and checks in to insure he can approve in time for me to receive the next day (so far the receive part hasn’t happened).  I barely know him, I barely see or speak with him but I am incredibly grateful for the way he makes his way in the world.

Getting dressed for a business meeting yesterday was a drag but I’m one of the few people who really enjoy my meetings.  My problem was the movement yesterday. It still hurts like hell from Sunday and years of improper movement and the deterioration of neglect. Why did I neglect so many things? Yes I know why but my reclamation has begun. With some bumps and frustrations, a bit of pity and foot stamping but it has begun…

The day before yesterday was not a day to be around me, my aches and pains were thick and my patience was thin.  I had no use for a grown ass woman who can’t ever remember her key.  I really had no use for anything but at the end of the day, the very end of the day all the good started to outweigh the bad. In small ways, like fresh figs and ricotta or a comfortable position on the other end of the couch, or an exceptional visit with Gramma and Toti that brought good news of her coming home. And, yes, even the experts especially the ones I’ve been cursing and second guessing lately.

When you’re an expert, at what point is what you think you know so well no longer the truth.  When someone says something changed yet you continue on.  Do you continue with that expert?  My hesitation, my leeriness aside, I called for an appointment.

When brutal honesty mixed with pain and kindness are put to use, common ground and understanding, even a good laugh, start to emerge.  There is no one or the other cure or care for your condition he says, but there is interim and complimentary care. There is more and better. There are ideas and suggestions and adjustments (literally).  Never once eluding to the fact that this is really all about old age…albeit premature old age…just sayin.

At the end of the day relief comes in a myriad of ways.  A clear mind, a better understanding, common ground, friends whose energy takes over when yours is low and restful sleep. And while my favorite dog walking/gardening shoes may never dry out I am blessed with a universe that is truly conspiring in my favor.  I hold out hope for it all, including the shoes.

The Power of Pitching a Fit

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If you’re anything like me you probably think you’ve got it all together. People come to you and ask your advice, you struggle with not fixing things for everyone anymore and sometimes you actually succeed. You’re a safe place, people can say anything they want to you and it goes nowhere beyond the conversation. Vent away, of course you feel that way, I’m so sorry this is happening, you say to whomever needs to hear it.

You find yourself saying these things time and time again and then sometimes you wonder where those same people go when they’re feeling fabulous. Not to your house as it turns out. And so it begins that crazy mixture of self-pity, I never ask for anything rant (except that you take two minutes each week to read my tiny little blog), why am I always alone story you tell yourself right before your back starts aching and your hip doesn’t work right and you have a headache every day and your hair is as big as Diana Ross. You see where this is going?

It happens to all of us at one time or another. When the stuff of life starts manifesting in your body I don’t care how many affirmations you recite, how much praying you do it won’t work until you pitch a fit. The cares and woes of all your people are safe with you, they feel better and you are better for being there but summon up your petulant child and start stamping your feet, crying your eyes out or dancing/running/walking it out of your body when you feel it coming on. Howl at the moon, punch the bobo doll, find a way to sweat it out. I’m not kidding it works.

Don’t let it fester as if you are everyone’s personal vessel of troubles. Yes, you are a kind hearted soul that somehow finds yourself with a head full of everything that’s happened to your people in the last six months/years/decades. Remember it’s not your stuff, get rid of it, the helping is done now let it go.

Don’t let the situation worm its way into all of your own things you’ve been putting aside. Because God knows you can make a mountain out of wink when you’re in this state of teary aches and pains and why’s and why nots. Remember you have people too. They would be happy to say what you need to hear if only you tap them on the shoulder, or shoot a text or show up for lunch as it turns out. It’s not your job to take care of everyone else first, it’s your job to take care of you first. If you’re empty for yourself you’re empty for everyone else too.

Indulge your temper tantrum, with those who’ve seen it before. I am eternally grateful for my besties, the ones who cheer when I pitch a fit…because they know like they know I’ll be fine in a minute. Ok, I’m done now.