With a Full Heart

Posted on November 29, 2015 by Sandi LoConti

Having a full heart doesn’t just mean gratitude. For a holiday that is based in gratitude, Thanksgiving can be problematic because God knows any number of gratitude violations can occur. Having a full heart means feeling the emotions of the day whether they are good or bad, the impact of your world and, yes, gratitude. If you’re open to it there are little miracles happening if you’re not your heart may ache.

I began my holiday on Tuesday making Stollen, a new tradition I’m starting for my sister-friend Evi. She and her family join us for the traditional “family” holidays each year and I can’t picture it any other way now. While Stollen is a traditional Christmas bread, that holiday belongs to her husband, Walter, and his fruit cake. It’s a yeast bread, anything can happen but only good came from the yeast this first time out. The house smelled wonderful and I believe it was a welcome addition to the table.

Wednesday is my pre-prep day. The brussel sprouts are roasted, three bags of them this time because somehow everyone decided to like them after all these years. I roast them on Wednesday so that I can have every single one of those crispy chips to myself. They are salty and flavorful and oh so CRISPY! Stuffing is made, cranberry sauce is made, and table is set. brussells001 Just as I’m finishing all my prep I get a text from two of my favorite people, the Riley’s, who are just sitting down to lunch at our favorite place at our favorite table the day before Thanksgiving when there shouldn’t have been a seat to be had. The rules of serendipity kick in and I’m on my way, no makeup, cooking clothes, smelling like brussel sprouts and we couldn’t have had a better time.

Thursday brings my sister and my mother to the house first. My mother has been practicing going up the stairs and walking each day so that she can make it into my home. She was a champ! She has also been having a wonderful love affair with our Toti Nonna, the dog who I’m sure was the motivation for all that “practice”. I am convinced they are saving each other on so many levels. It is an amazing thing to watch them together. It really fills my heart, and everyone else’s. thanksgiving 2015001 Every once in a while when I cook in my kitchen I feel just the slightest twinge of regret for the magnificent kitchen I left behind. My kitchen is very tiny but then when I see the miracle of something going from raw to roasted, the ease with which I can move around and the number of people who feel comfortable in my home I let the twinge come and let it go just as quickly.

I’m sure my sister is feeling the same thing in reverse. She is enjoying her magnificent kitchen and turning out some fabulous dishes where she was once an onlooker to Honey’s domain. And it was Honey’s domain from which came incredible meals the likes of which we won’t see again. I wait all year for her pumpkin pie and she truly truly truly outdid herself this year. My heart swells when I picture her at her baking counter with her Cuisinart and KitchenAid mixer putting together her newest rendition with shortbread crust and creamy amazing filling. She brings two, I put one away to enjoy throughout the weekend but it “must be gone by Sunday” or I will never get back to a normal diet. The new rendition is a keeper that I will enjoy year after year, right?

Each year when we are all around the table I manage to get a picture. I never really manage to get in the picture because…well you know. This year however through the magic of IPhone, a rigged stand made out of binder clips and delayed exposure I got in!!! It’s a beautiful picture and I’m so thrilled to have it but it makes me laugh. We all have a perfect smile as if we are looking at someone taking the picture, but really we’re staring at the phone, counting down one second away from bursting out laughing. As if the picture weren’t enough we have that silly moment as well.

Surrounded by people I love, Mom and Terri going home early but far later than previous years, the Girls coming in with hugs and love, still others coming in like a whirlwind in need of a friendly atmosphere, the over lapping and fellowship among all just goes straight to the root of life on Stowe Lane. Texts from friends, a wonderful phone call from my newest old friend, too much food, way too much wine, so much laugher, complete exhaustion at the end of the day, or rather the three days, my heart is full. I am in awe of the love that resides in this home, of the people in my life and the good fortune that I’ve found. It all came home to me the next day on our walk, we were cutting through the fog, figuratively and literally from the “richness” of Thanksgiving, and the sun made its way out.

I saw a heart in that emerging sun, I see a sun in my emerging heart…

Best of Summer ~ The Adventures of Toti Nonna

Posted on August 9, 2015 by Sandi LoConti

OK, where was I before Muriel so graciously brokered a truce between me and my laptop? Saved it from becoming a speed bump, backed it up in three different places and got me to pull myself together. I was about to fill you in on Toti Nonna’s big adventure to the Cape.

Whenever there is a loss of someone close you generally find yourself in a year of firsts. Life without Lina is no different because she is a dog. I was sure there was no way to make it up to the Cape in June but something made me ask a friend if he knew of anybody renting a house near him. Never heard from him but heard from his “anybody”. You’ve heard me talk about all the dear old friends I’ve met for the first time; well Wanda and I talked for quite some time right from the start. What a delight! I can hear you say “of course she is” you know…just sayin. And so with happenstance meeting oh-what- the-hell Toti Nonna and I were off to the Cape. In July… For a week… Did I mention in July?… the summer. This is where oh-what-the-hell meets jumping for joy!Although we’ve been coming to the Cape for the last twenty years, this is a new home rental for us. This is someone’s home and we are surrounded by the personality of the owners. Again, did I mention delightful? Toti made herself right at home, thankfully after I made the bed, and we unpacked and relaxed. Wanda and her husband Rick had been clamming the day before so there on ice, in the refrigerator, waiting for us, were some of those clams. There was a lovely card, and dog treats and generosity that was totally unnecessary but so incredibly heartwarming. Did I mention it was as if we were old friends being welcomed home?

Toti loves the car so I knew that wouldn’t be an issue for her but in any other situation she was most comfortable with Lina by her side, or should I say attached to her hip? So what would her new comfort zone be? What comfort zone, it’s all new, fake it til you make it little girl, it’s what we do. So on our first day…Come on lets go- it’s cloudy, the beach is out, let’s go to Ptown. And go we did, she walked Commercial Street like she’d been going there for years, drank out of every water bowl she saw, tried to sneak into every air conditioned store and welcomed every ooo and ahhh she got from the masses. And I do mean masses, everyone had the same it’s cloudy let’s go to Ptown thought…

Summer, eeek, on the Cape, there are hundreds of people around and it was an unusually hot and humid week. I mean it was around 85 degrees where usually you’re around 75-80. Mind you I am not a summer person to begin with so when it turned out to be “Wicked Hot” (cue the accent) I was remembering life as a kid in an unairconditioned house. God bless ReRe she propped a big old box fan on the kitchen table, practiced light control during the day and cranked that sucker up at night so a cool breeze would eventually find you during the wee hours. I won’t say it was as bad as all that but Toti and I wound up doing exactly the same thing and it saved the day, or should I say the night. Kind of, remember when you didn’t like to cuddle up to momma Toti? Did you have to pick the hottest day on the cape in a full size bed to change your mind? Just sayin…

After walking every morning, it’s all about the fan. After going to the beach and showering in the outdoor shower, it’s all about the fan. After almost everything, it’s all about the fan. Thankfully the bright, airy screened in porch was comfortable, cross ventilated and yes…all about the fan.

It’s common practice on the Cape to bring your dog with you practically wherever you go. So when my good friend Terry and I went out to eat, along came Toti Nonna. This was new. Really new. Like never been done before. The Wee Packet Restaurant welcomed her with her own water bowl and although she was a bit apprehensive, she soon settled in under the table next to her beloved Uncle Terry. This was big!

It was a shame to head home but back in the car we went. Are we there yet?

This trip was transformative on so many levels, for me, for Toti, for me…life without Lina is evolving. I sometimes feel guilty about the ease of it. Life with Lina could be stressful as she lived an entire lifetime with anxiety. Toti’s job is done, she can exhale, and she can enjoy herself now.

We arrive home and let Wanda know the Jersey Girls arrived safely. Toti settles into her familiar space and I head to the mailbox. As if this trip didn’t have enough to be thankful for I’m greeted by an envelope addressed to Ordinary Legacy. You know how I love to get mail!!! Elizabeth from St. Ignace, MI you can’t begin to know the joy your words brought me. Thank you for your support, know that I am incredibly grateful that you took the time to share them.

Another new old friend.

Lime and Lime Again

Posted on October 19, 2014 by Sandi LoConti

In a full heart there is room for everything, in an empty heart there is room for nothing. Antonio Porchia

I had the honor of joining several of my oldest and dearest friends in Houston this weekend. We met for the very first time. You’ve heard me say before what a lovely and rare gift that is; meeting an old friend for the very first time. How is it that twenty five women can find themselves together sharing, learning, laughing, exploring, and just plain, well, liming… Liming is an expression that has its origin in Trinidad & Tobago. It has relaxing at its center but goes further to include rejuvenating, enlightening, connecting and gathering around food and conversation. We attended the LimeLight Sessions this weekend and I did indeed lime. These sessions are the brain child and, come to find out, dream come true of Karen Walrond. Human being extraordinaire, story teller, speaker and photographer, creator and curator of the website Chookooloonks.com.

My participation in these sessions came at a turning point. I’ve been following Karen for several years and love the way she makes her way in the world, the way there is a community around her, the way she values her own backyard and the world’s backyard. Yes, I do too. So how does she do it, what is she really like, can I learn from her. The answer is yes. And yes. And yes. Her generosity is unrestrained while taking good care of herself, not an easy thing to do. One of the more frustrating things women struggle with.

Timing is indeed everything; having just reached that turning point in Ordinary Legacy, having just brainstormed a truly frightening and exhilarating idea for where it should go, having just actually put that idea on paper and presented it as a product the invitation to lime in Houston reaches my inbox…In Houston. I haven’t been on a plane in almost a decade. So what? I sign up, I make travel arrangements including flights and hotels and shuttles and lions and tigers and bears and I’m a minute from a meltdown and excitement overrides my fear. There are gifts and then there are gifts, excitement is truly a gift.

I have been carrying around “the book” as himself used to call it, since my father died in 2005. It has stuff, ideas, pictures, snippets and quotes. I’ve not been as consistent with it in a journaling sense but it’s been an invaluable tool. Practically the minute I got to Houston it put into action. The room I was in had a big ledge of a window sill, the kind I had in my first apartment in Cliffside Park and I found myself using it as a desk with my coffee close by and a view of the city. Priceless.

We worked we played we shared. I shared Ordinary Legacy and where I wanted it to go. What is legacy they asked…oh I know like I know this one; legacy is born of living your life the way you want your story told. Extraordinary legacies come from an ordinary life well lived. Yes they said, let me repeat that…Yes, they said. I am blessed to have been able to let my ideas about where I want to go out and have wonderful people say, yes. To have my little love of legacy become part of these sessions fills my heart to overflowing. Tia Walker said; “Affirmations are our mental vitamins, providing the supplementary positive thoughts we need to balance the barrage of negative events and thoughts we experience daily.” Amen Sister.

I learned so much over this weekend, about the women who attended and about myself. I told my story, which I don’t normally do. Thank you Esther, you’re a love and I can’t wait to see you in December for Andrea’s serenade to us. I met and grew to love some of the most fascinating and nurturing people I’ve ever met. And they met me, the real me. I sincerely hope that the legacy I’ve left them is the one about the favorite Aunt and not the one about Macy’s window….I’ll save that for another time.

And then back on the plane. Goodbye Houston, I don’t know that I’ll see you again but I enjoyed your company. Hello New Jersey, my backyard where I know like I know I can make this happen. I thank you Karen for your timing, your wisdom and your ever faithful course of looking for the light.

And Good Conversation

Posted on August 3, 2014 by Sandi LoConti

The great gift of conversation lies less in displaying it ourselves than in drawing it out of others. He who leaves your company pleased with himself and his own cleverness is perfectly well pleased with you. Jean de la Bruyere

One of my best legacy lessons is to be someone’s first call. I was someone’s first call this week and it was joyous. When someone dear to you has had a fine day doing something new in a place that will soon be called home and they call to tell you all about it you have entered a special place in their heart. When only you would understand the joy they feel riding home in the dark after a day filled with new people and places you have met them where they are. When there is more listening than talking on your part, when the laughter and tears fill the same conversation, when everyone hangs up feeling heard new roads have been traveled together. When you can’t stop smiling hours after the conversation ends you know like you know that forever is now.

I was someone else’s first call after arriving home from some very long and wonderful travel. Meet we must in our usual place the sooner the better. And so we did among the lunch crowd, minus our usual server in a crowded neighborhood pub. Catching up on the fun and laments of the months we’d been apart, laughing and concerned, a tear or two, many more laughs and quips and hugs later we take a breath and notice there is no one left in the place. Such is the joy of being together.

Someone’s first call of the morning; you in today? On my way in now. Then it will be worth it for me to come down. Every once in a while you meet a new old friend. Someone that has traveled your road walked your walk and thinks your think…even though you just met. They have some of what you don’t and you have something too and you pick up where you left off even though you’ve just begun. You love their family and they know what you’re thinking from the words you’ve written. It’s glorious and seldom that this comes along. It is a blessing full of exchanging ideas and ideology and technical blah blah that you would never ask anyone else for fear of being….something.

Someone’s first call to someone else can be a delight for you as well. Long overdue we meet at another usual place midway between three here and theres. My Sister’s boy is her light at any moment he is near her. He is precious in his sweetness and love for her. He is spoiled because he is such a wonderful about to be teenager with none of the manic depressive drama to be seen…yet. We three adults share a bond that can never be broken, made of unspoken words, sleeping on the floor and just being within whisper range of each other at the lowest point of our lives to date. Those days behind us we revel in our time around the table and in this child. He is a nonstop delight and can talk to his Aunt incessantly. Aunt Terri remember when…Aunt Terri remember…Aunt Terri yeah I like rap…such and such and Lil Wayne, whatever happened to Lil Wayne…how could we not laugh and delight in this wonderful kid who just asked his 52 year old Aunt, who’s only knowledge of rap is on a door, whatever happen to Lil Wayne. And so the night went with its constant stream of Aunt Terri’s, a new menu that caused all the food to be late, an amazing and funny server who kept everyone from being hangry…a night to remember because of course we all smiled all the way home.

These weren’t just conversations they were inscriptions on our hearts. Warmth and sharing and oh yeah there were words too. One of Yogi Berra’s nuggets of wisdom, “It was impossible to get a conversation going, everybody was talking too much” might have rung true this week were it not for the satisfaction had by all. Everyone was completely pleased with our cleverness and each other. It was conversational perfection because we talked in present tenses.

Ordinary Legacy

Preserving moments in time through thoughtful words and images.

Tag Archives: new old friends

With a Full Heart

Best of Summer ~ The Adventures of Toti Nonna

Lime and Lime Again

And Good Conversation

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