I’m fond of saying I have nothing left to prove only value to add. This week I find myself asking, what the hell does that mean? Do your values determine your life or does your life determine your values? Yes. At what point in your life are you done trying to prove yourself to anyone other than yourself? When adding value do you discern? Do you need to know the definition of value in order to add it?
Two things happened this week to make me question if this is the way I should be putting the whole prove vs value thing out there. Someone commented on the blog last week that they too (on their 65th birthday) felt they had much value still to add. Then in an episode of “Chopped” a 64 year old woman struggled against the younger chefs to prove she is still capable of adding value. She ultimately won. Does that mean you’ll always have something to prove? These two people want to prove to themselves that they have value.
Should the proving only be to you? Now we’re talking, of course it should. When I think of the long list of things I felt I needed to prove over the course of my life most of them had little to actually do with me. As a woman was I capable of the same things men were capable of, of course I was and still am. Could I live up to my husband’s family’s expectations, not really. Did I grab on to that and try to pursue perfection, of course I did. Could I graduate college (in midlife) in order to advance in my career, of course I could. Did it? To a degree.
There is always something to prove to yourself. At this moment in time I’m trying to prove that I am a creative woman. I’m trying to develop the right side of my brain so that it works on auto pilot, so that it sees things that I’ve always thought it should see. I’m trying to prove I’m brave, putting myself and my work out there, whether it’s the work I’m paid for or the work that sustains me.
I’m no longer trying to prove I’m perfect. Perfection has always been imposed on me, like keeping the perfect house. Now, if the bed isn’t made I know like I know the world won’t come to an end. The people that find themselves on Stowe Lane could care less if I make my bed every day. Toto especially loves twirling into the sheets whether they are on the bed or not.
I don’t set the perfect table I just put it all out and people are glad to indulge in the moments I present. I used to live in that world where you had to worry if you died what would people find in your home? What were the books that were supposed to be on the night stand, what food should be in the refrigerator, what would be in the fire safe box. I just bought a fire safe box…by the way. Among the passport, social security card, deed, the insurance info and will are my Father’s navy manual and bible. These are the things that are precious, that add value if you will.
I’m not saving the world and my idea of adding value is to show up, to listen, to attempt to stop the spiky haired, skinny jeans bunch from trying to reinvent the wheel all the while staying relevant. To put out a body of work that someone might find interesting or meaningful.
So what does value really mean:
- The regard that something is held to deserve; the importance, worth, or usefulness of something.
- The material or monetary worth of something.
- The intrinsic worth of something.
- A person’s principles or standards of behavior; one’s judgment of what is important in life.
I got this. No matter what your definition of value, I can fit into any of it, some of it or all of it. Or none of it. I love the person I’ve become because I fought hard to become her. I have proven this to myself, no one else needs to care or approve of this. It was not who I was that held me back it was who I thought I wasn’t.
For those of you wondering if or how you will provide value, just know like you know that you are and you will. Not everyone will think so but it only matters that you do.
Brava! Brava!
It seems to me that we all live our lives with illusions of separation. We are at the core all the same. The perception of variances, differences, appearances, and belief systems stem from our frame of reference. These create the beauty of life. These perceptions create the values of life. My perception of values will be different than yours and yours and yours. Do we need to determine or judge our own perception of values for, or to, others; or should that beauty be left to the eye of the beholder? To me, the excitement of life is to observe and embrace the diversity of others. To communicate and hear the perceptions of others, which are told with varying intensities based on their own self ordained value system. To observe this without judgement; to do this with loving allowance for all things to exist in their own time and place seems to be not only a noble cause, but a more exciting and less stressful path to living one’s life. Sadly, it is much easier to be critical. It is psychologically safer to be judgemental. It is less socially acceptable to be non-committal.
It is more comforting to seek self-affirmation with a value system, but then the value system finds self doubt the same as the person does.
We are simply binary beings. All of life seems to have a balance. A yin and a yang, a good and a bad, a plus and a minus, a on and an off, a hot and a cold. Within the illusions of separation, the perceptions of degrees of variance brings the value system. To a computer there is no variance. There is on and off. To a molecule there is only positive and negative. The molecules that make up air are virtually invisible to us. The molecules that compose the solid objects are the same, only arranged differently. People are the same, only arranged differently. If only we could revel in the appreciation of the experience of the difference more than the judgement or valuation of the difference. To me, proving or adding value is always a self perception. It may seem to be validated by others, but this comes with how we seek to validate our values. We seek our validations in the light we wish to see them in, therefore our judgement is perhaps always biased. If so, our hearts will always carry doubt, because we know we have cheated the test we sought to take. We are who we are because we choose to be the person we are. We should not doubt that person. Our value is as great as the next persons. You came to this life to be who you are. You don’t have to be a Mandela, or a daVinci, a King or a murderer, or a thief, or a non-notable person. You are still equally as valuable to you, because you are the creator. You choose your observations, you choose your values. How other perceive your values are a matter of your personal entertainment and joy. They should have no bearing on your self worth. We are the same. So decide: are people good or bad. It’s all or nothing. Binary.
I love your writings. I love how they …. Wow .. Can’t even describe it. So well done.
Thank you…
Let me just tell you, you add value to my and my family’s life all the time. Glad to have you in my life! P.S. Wow you listened to me and bought a fire safe box…