Things happen. Sometimes you find yourself in a compromised position and you trust your brain to generate the truth. Sometimes you actually believe that truth. Sometimes you know you’ve just lied and you can justify it somehow. Sometimes it doesn’t sit right with you and it keeps you up at night. You haven’t hurt anyone. It was a lie of convenience and since no one else but you knows, it’s fine. Right?
Yeah, not so much. I found myself in this position just recently. It has been bothering me but somehow I just couldn’t bring myself to give it up. I didn’t hurt anyone, I don’t think. But I lied about something that would make me look good for maybe a minute. So did looking good for that minute make me feel any better.
Yeah, not so much. I actually heard myself tell the lie and thought what the hell are you doing? But once it’s out it’s out and you can’t take it back. You can let it die a natural death but it’s out there. So you tuck it away in the back of your mind and you’re done with it. You won’t do THAT again. After all you’re building a legacy here. But it stays there and every once in a while it comes to the forefront and says remember me?
Yeah, I remember you. Just when you think it will be with you the rest of your life (very dramatic I know and believe me it’s a pretty tiny lie) something intervenes and allows you to pay for it. Literally, with gratitude and finality. It’s done, you’ve made it right and you know like you know you’ll never do that again.
On the eve of Yom Kippur sometimes even the Goy are awarded the chance to atone. Thank God.