A Smile and an Exhale

At any given time one of my people are going through something.  They might be coping with a loss of someone dear to them, a breakup of a relationship, the despair of an aging parent, or just feeling weary. Yes, I’m talking to you.

 I think of them all the time, I send my love and prayers but I never ask God to give them what they want.  I ask God to give them what they need.  I’ve learned that most times what you want and what you need are entirely different.  It’s unfortunate that you have no way of knowing that until you’ve received what you actually need.  That has been the basis of every ah-ha moment I’ve ever experienced. 

And I don’t worry about them because they are all strong.  And of course, I believe if I worry about them that will just bring me more to worry about instead of bringing me the good news that they are coming around.  Call that what you will, it works for me.

I picture them taking five minutes to sit with a cup of tea or coffee.  Just five minutes to close their eyes, smell the aroma, feel the warmth coming through the cup and shut their minds off.  I picture them concentrating on a sip at a time and truly tasting the rich or soothing flavors.  I picture a thought of me coming into their heads knowing that I pray for them and send as much love as I can so that they might find a smile and an exhale.

Final, Finals, Finally

Final: That which is last; that which forms an end or a termination. 

I guess if you’re going to begin a new life you must first terminate your old life.  Up until now I’ve been going along on my own just thinking my wonderful new life had already begun.  That wasn’t exactly true.  I’ve moved, gotten new dogs, new furniture and new friends but there was no formal end to the old life. Is a formal end always necessary? Or can an old life flow into and out of the new one.  Can one take the best of the old life with them, like the nieces and nephews?  Or does everything need to be abandoned?  Is it abandonment or is it an understanding?  Like knowing you won’t be invited to the weddings but also knowing that you’ve left your mark on young lives and might still be a favorite Aunt that they seek out for Gramma’s old recipes.

Finals: The last, usually comprehensive, examination in a course of study.

When a divorce is final many times there is a reexamination of one’s life.  How’s it going; are you passing or failing?  In looking back over my marriage I wonder if I was the one who failed.  Not the marriage but myself.  Did I do the best I could for myself or did I abandon all I once believed? In order to…what?  Can a person get stuck in something in the name of love that will never be good for them?  Was it ever good for them?  What’s good for them now?

Finally: At last, eventually, after considerable delay.

I can truly breathe now; I have time now, to answer all the questions that continue to surround me.   Somehow, I thought the questions would be answered, that they would be easy and few.  But in fact, it is the questions that have actually become the answers.  If you’re not asking questions your entire life can you consider yourself curious?  Now finally I understand that it is the questions that provide the growth, the peace, the understanding.  The answers will only serve to move you to the next question and a better understanding, continued growth and the wonder of a curious life. Finally.